Nathan's motto:
      Your kingdom come,
      Your will be done,
      On earth as it is in heaven.
      What would you have me to do today, Lord?

Nathan's Memorial Video
Memorial Video

Thanks to Gleason Portrait Gallery for creating this beautiful video.

Tributes to Nathan Buzdor from those who knew him.

Saturday, July 22, 2006

Last time, I posted some scripture passages that I've had to turn to way too often in the past few years. And these past few days I've been running to them once again.

Wednesday morning, we lost a brother, a friend, a truly great man. Buz was my roommate for several years, a friend for many more, a co-laborer for Christ at UT, a piece of iron upon which many others were sharpened. My Crusade friends will have known him well; among Westgate folks, Lisa would have known him as "the other Nathan", and my D-team guys would have possibly known him as "the Deuce's brother".

He was one of those rare people who you remember the first time you met him - for me, it was at the Crusade "welcome back" picnic his freshman year; it struck me as kind of odd that he showed up to be welcomed back to some place he'd never been. I just remember him having ridiculously long hair, and being on such a spiritual high after his recent trip to the Philippines that he was actually kind of annoying. In such ways are great friendships born.

Buz was stricken with cancer about five years ago, went through two marrow transplants, too many bouts of chemo (which spawned the character "Chemo Buz", who was just Buz with his tact and inhibitions lowered) some of the best things he ever said were during that period), and experimental procedures. He had been looking quite good until recently. He and his fiancee Amy had been putting off getting married until it looked like he would be healthy enough, and the wedding had finally been planned for August 26 before he took a turn for the worse. As you pray, please remember his family and especially Amy.

The last few days have been filled with profound grief. But we do not "grieve as others do who have no hope". I'm shocked by his sudden loss (even after about five years of preparing for it, and seeing him look near death several times before), and saddened deeply. But make no mistake - I am not grieving for him. He knew exactly where he was going when he died, and he is far better off there than he was here. No, the grief is for those of us who are left - for his family, for Amy, for me and his other friends who miss him terribly. But this grief is underlain with joy, knowing without doubt that his mortality has been clothed in immortality, that his light and momentary troubles have achieved for him an eternal glory that far outweighs them all, that he is dwelling with God where there will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain. And especially in the hope that someday we will be joining him there, in a wonderful reunion at the wedding feast of the Lamb.

So with the crying and shock has come joy and fond remembrance. Last night I was able to sit with Brian and just talk about Buz. About how he loved calculus waaaaaay too much, more than any person should. About how he set the townhouse on fire with his incessant meddling (rearranging stuff, which pushed a bag of old clothes up against the gas water heater), and the only thing that was really damaged was his fireproof safe. About how he shaved off his hair for some reason I can't remember - maybe his Nazarite vow was up, I dunno - and shocked us almost as much as when James cut his because he was sick of being asked to play Jesus in every skit. About how he'd have Amy stay at a hotel a few blocks from the townhouse, until it was shut down because of all the drug and prostitution rings that operated out of there, of which he was somehow oblivious. About how he was my conscience for so long, how we didn't necessarily have different standards, but he was just so much more aware of impropriety - always asking "Is this something we should be watching?" or "Should we be joking about this sort of thing?" About how he started the "Heresy of the Week" forum on his website as a tribute to our Random Heresy Game™ from Bible study, where we could suggest song lyrics, sermons, articles, and other stuff with awful theology. About how he would intentionally choose horrible movies to put in at parties - not horrible in a "Boneyard" or "The Core" way, where it's so much fun to ridicule, but just truly dreadful to watch - like "Leonard Part 6" for Rocky's bachelor party; his reasoning was that it's stupid to get people together and have them sit silently for two hours watching a good movie, better to throw in something people will hate, so they start talking to each other and actual fellowship breaks out (and once he explained it to me, I couldn't agree more). About him playing "Starcraft" with us for hours, using the cheap "hiding bunkers behind depots" AI exploit, lifting off his barracks and flying it to the corner after he'd been essentially eliminated, just so he could stay in longer. About how he was so vehemently against premarital sex because it might lead to dancing. About how shocked we were when we found out he was dating, because we thought he might be asexual and reproduced through budding or something. And about how, even if we're somehow completely wrong on this whole Christianity thing, and it really is salvation by works (we're not, and it's not, just hypothetical), well, in that case he lived such a sterling life that he'd be getting into heaven anyway. And how great of a man he truly was, and how we're all so much better off for having known him.

Buz lived for several years with an enemy that was destroying his body, but his faith never wavered, and he lived as well as anyone I've ever seen by the words of Jesus, "I tell you, my friends, do not fear those who kill the body, and after that have nothing more that they can do. But I will warn you whom to fear: fear him who, after he has killed, has authority to cast into hell. Yes, I tell you, fear him!" (Luke 12:4-5). He was as keenly aware of his mortality as anyone, and lived each day in light of eternity instead of for the temporary. Several months ago I read this article written by John Piper on the eve of beginning his own cancer treatments, called "Don't Waste Your Cancer". When I first read it, the person who immediately popped into mind was Buz - nobody I've ever seen more exemplified the Biblical ideals of trusting God above the odds, living for eternity rather than today, using his cancer (and other hardships - this isn't limited to medical issues, see Hebrews 12) as an ally to rid himself of sin and enable the gospel to be spread, driving him to deeper relationships rather than solitude, and especially in knowing that "beating cancer" means living and dying for Christ rather than merely surviving longer. The way he viewed life and death and cancer was exemplified by his choice after the cancer returned following his first marrow transplant. His doctors told him about an experimental procedure, one that had a high chance of killing him quickly. The way he explained his decision to go for this procedure sums it up (I'm paraphrasing here): "I'm going to die anyway someday, and when I do I know that I'm going to heaven to be with Jesus, so I'm not afraid to die. And if my death teaches them enough to extend someone else's life, someone who doesn't yet know or believe the truth, I would gladly suffer and die to give them longer and hopefully come to faith." I think of that, and I remember what one of the missionaries in Jim Elliot's party said about why they would not fight back if attacked by the Aucas - "We're ready to die. They're not." And the thing about Buz is, if you knew him at all, his decision was not even the least bit surprising. I would've been shocked if he chose otherwise. And he went through the second procedure I don't even know how long ago, as full of faith as ever, trusting the one who had bought him with his blood.

Everything about Buz radiated the glory of Christ, in his life, in his sufferings, and now in his death. He was a dear friend. I am so much better of a man today for having been with him for so long. I know I am not alone when I say that he will be truly and deeply missed. And that I look forward to the day when posts like this are no longer necessary or even possible. My heart aches today. I miss my friend. I am glad his pain and suffering are ended forever. And I can't wait for the day I see him again, when we're all home together.

  -- Nathan Machel

I'm not sure there's much of a point to posting what I'm about to type; most everyone who might read this page (does anyone read this page?) already knows from the original email, or me or CEM talking to them, or reading Marcum's blog. I certainly couldn't think of a deserving title, as anyone can plainly see. Well, here goes:

Yesterday afternoon, I received an email from my best man's family -- they've been sending out weekly (or so) mass updates on his condition for some time now -- that after multiple rounds of chemo treatment (truly awful, I'm quite sure), various radiation treatments (almost as awful), two bone marrow transplants (probably not much fun, either), part of one clinical trial, and numerous visits to hospitals and rehab facilities et al over the course of the past several years, he finally succumbed to an affliction of late-stage Hodgkin's lymphoma and went to be with the Lord at 5 am that morning.

Needless to say, it is an enormous loss to those who daily or even occasionally were privileged to share the company of perhaps the single most considerate person that I have ever known, and almost certainly the strongest influence on my own spiritual life.

We were all fairly shocked when we went to visit him last, seeing how tired and underweight he was, and as bad as the host vs. graft disease looked, but I suppose I still didn't realize the seriousness of his condition. It isn't even fair to speculate on the difficulty this must bring for his family ... though, knowing them a little bit from visiting, they're probably a lot more capable of accepting the perfect will of God than I would be.

I want to say that the reality of it, because I hadn't been able to hang out with him much anymore, hasn't really sunk in yet. I felt a little upset when I was typing out earlier today what I'm sure amounted to a poorly-composed message of little comfort to the clan in Lansing, but that's all ...

I very much look forward to seeing him when the Day comes. I pity those that don't know the Lord, for not being able to look at death this way.

Oddly enough, I just talked to him late Sunday night. Buz called (actually left a voice mail -- boy, am I glad I called him right back!) to catch up briefly, and to let me know about my email account, of all things. (I have an account his website hosts, which the company that manages it was recently purchased. Due to changes they'll be making to the server, saved messages will be wiped out if not moved elsewhere.) Machel, if you're still looking for answers to how we might "lay our lives down for one another", practically speaking, this would be an example, I think.

  -- EDM

Thursday, July 20, 2006


I struggle greatly with what to say at times like this (without putting both feet in my mouth), so I'll try to be brief. Please also forgive me for my wording, which must be wholly inadequate.

Let me simply and truthfully say that Nathan was probably the single most considerate person that I have ever known, and to this, point the most influential person in my spiritual life. I look forward to seeing him again when the Day comes.

Thank you for keeping us posted with regard to his condition and spirits during his time of illness. Your family, including Amy, will continue to be in our prayers, since we know that his passing must be very difficult for all of you. May the Lord comfort you in the midst of His perfect will, albeit challenging.

In Christ always,

  -- EDM

Wednesday, July 26, 2006

My friend ...

I received an email this morning from a friend from college. He told me my good friend, sometimes classmate, and always big brother, Buz, has passed away. He has fought a fight against cancer for the past 5 or so years, and Wednesday morning, he went home to be with Dad. My dear friend, how I will miss you. As you read this, would you lift up my friend's family, his fiancee, his friends. I wish I could go home. I wish I could be with them in body, hear their stories, get their hugs. I wish I could understand Dad's reasoning in all of this -- someone so young with so much to offer. A brilliant man, and a kind one. But I thank the Father that I was able to tell him those things were true of him while he was with us, and I know that as he arrived home, his loving Father looked down on him with eyes full of love and said, "Well done, good and faithful servant!" Buz loved China. He's one of the people who has helped me stay here. His thoughts were invaluable -- they were strengthening and empowering. He will be missed.

  -- bitsy

Thursday, July 27, 2006

... I got a wonderful email from a beloved friend's dad today. He reminded me how much that friend loved my home, and how much he longed to be there, serving alongside me. "There was a part of Nathan that was a little envious of you being able to go to China ..." he said. "He had a special place in his heart for China." I had a special place in my heart for him. What a good friend.

  -- bitsy

Sunday, October 29, 2006

Dear Lois,

... I want you to know, too, that Nathan still has an impact on my life and the life of our friends from college in many ways. He was an unforgettable friend, and his heart for Dad was to be admired. His life challenged me to love Dad with my whole heart and to be self-sacrificing. I was talking to our friend James the other day, and we were talking about how Dad can use people like Nathan to spur others on to Dad-likeness. I can't wait to hang out with him for eternity. Isn't it a blessing to have hope? And I can't think of anyone I'd rather have in the "great cloud of witnesses" watching me than Nathan. I can't wait to hear him lifting his voice in praises to the King!

love to you and yours,


Saturday, November 4, 2006

Roy & Lois:

... I wanted you to know that I recently went to a seminar on biblical exposition in Marion, IN and there was a pastor there from Dayton that reminded me through and through of Buz. I was so blessed by him!


  -- Brad

Luke 6:40
A student is not above his teacher, but everyone who is fully trained will be like his teacher.

Wednesday, August 23, 2006

... My grandmother and half the neighborhood met Nathan when he helped me move back from Toledo. They all just loved him and send their love and support to you. My grandmother has been praying for him ever since he got sick. She, my great-aunt and my uncle Russ (a math professor) all really like him. Well, you know, everyone liked Nate. So I wanted to tell you My family just loves your son. (as well as my high school English teacher whom he stayed overnight with when he was here).

  -- Abigail Smucker

A Tribute

It is a truly rare event when one gets to know someone who is truly great. There are few such individuals, who come along far too infrequently. Today, the world has lost one such person. I never knew Nathan as well as I would have liked, but every time I was around him, he treated me as if we had been best friends for years. His ability to have a genuine interest in everyone around him is unmatched in anyone I have ever known. To know Nathan was to like him, and want to keep him in your circle of friends. His greatness came not through any spectacular accomplishments, but rather through his enduring love for all people. As a young adult, his ability to sense just what a person needed was something that is rarely seen in those who are much older and more experienced than he ever got to be. If ever in my life I have seen the love of Jesus, I have seen it embodied more fully in Nathan than anywhere else. My friend, Nathan Buzdor succumbed to cancer this morning, 19 July 2006. I know he will be missed by many, many people.

  -- Mike Donald

My wife, Tina, and I just wanted to say how proud we are to have known Nathan. He was always someone who thought deeply, and sincerely wanted to walk with Jesus with his whole life. I can remember all the conversations with him in college and how he was very good at playing devil's advocate, not to be mean, but to challenge everyone to think through what we were discussing and what we believed. I remember him being faithful to go out and share with guys at the I-house [the International House, a dorm for international students ... Nathan lived in that dorm for three years while he attended the University of Toledo] about Jesus. I will always remember him wanting to really grow in personal character as well as ministering to others. We will remember, very humbly, how in the midst of his own financial burdens, he wanted to be part of what we were doing. We are still amazed at his faith. We will miss him and his wit, but we know that we will see him again! Praise God for the time we had with Nathan!

  -- Darin and Tina Bufkin

Monday, December 11, 2006

I just want you to know the I often think of your son and it motivates me to continue to share with young students on campus and to pour into their lives.

  -- Darin

Thursday, August 24, 2006

You all continue in my prayers. Did Nate know how closely his ministry was to his Grandmother, Nancy?? C.S. Lewis was one of her fav's also. Nate was so brave and valiantly struggled to live. He could not have done it without his family's strength, courage and faith.

God bless you all.


  -- Jean

Saturday, August 12, 2006

Dear Nathan;

The testimonials to your life and spirit today touched my life and re-awakened my drive for the Spirit. How blessed your family and friends are to have walked this journey by your side and to be greeted by you and the Lord on the next journey. Thanks for living as you did. Much love to you and yours,

Your Mother's friend -

  -- Carole

Saturday, December 16, 2006

I wasn't sure of what the word tribute meant so I looked it up in the dictionary. Mr. Webster said it meant to show respect and gratitude. How true this word fit my brother in the Lord and friend Nate Buzdor. The last time we talked to Nate and Amy was in Jackson, Michigan at the rehab center. When we arrived and went into see Nate we hardly recognized him. His illness had ravaged his body but hadn't touched his spirit. We talked in length about his upcoming wedding day and all the promises that union held for him and Amy. God started talking to me about the wedding day He has in store for His Church. We have to remember that Jesus' Church is making herself ready just like Amy was. She had her dress, veil, shoes, invitations sent and was ready to be Mrs. Nathan Buzdor. Nathan, with a great smiling face, was ready to have Amy as his wife. He was so excited that you could feel his happiness when he talked about the event of a lifetime. I see so clearly now why God allowed us to know and love Nate even for a short time. God does not care how long we know Him, but that we know Him when He comes for us. Nate knew Jesus when he saw Him. Jesus knew Nate when He saw him. He orchestrated Nate's life, blessed him with Christian parents, a loving brother and then blessed us with his life and presence. We will never forget Nathan because we are part of the wedding party. What a day of rejoicing that will be. When we all see Jesus we will sing and shout the Victory.

  -- John and Andrea

Nathan has gone. He is now staying with God. He will live in my heart forever.

Nathan and I met in the University of Toledo. I was very lucky to meet him. I am a graduate student from China. It is really difficult to have a real good American friend here, because of the language problem, the difference in culture. But Nathan seemed different from other Americans. He spoke slowly and tried to use simple words, so I could understand him. He was nice and polite. Sometime I even think he was too nice. He was and is really unique.

At beginning, we just said "Hi" when we met. Until one semester, only two of us registered "topology". We began to know each other better. It was very interesting class. You can imagine only two students in the class. Nathan was very smart and very creative. It is a pity than he didn't continue for Ph.D. He could imagine a four-dimension space and showed me on the blackboard. Since our offices were close to each other, we often chatted when we had time. The friendship between us was getting deeper and deeper.

Since then, we went out for lunch and dinner a few times. It is always a difficulty for me to order dishes. Because I don't understand what is in the menu. Every time Nathan would explain to me. One time, I was surprised when I saw him using chopsticks in a Chinese restaurant. He told me he went to China before in the summer. He liked China. Another time, we went to lunch. The only things we ate were chicken wings. Many, many wings! Every time, we would argue about the bill. I said I should pay by myself. He said no, he would pay it since he invited me. Then after several days, I invited him and I paid the bill. I think that made us have more chance to have meal together.

We talked about God sometime. I think he guided me to follow God. From what he said and did, I can feel he had a gold heart. He always did good, and not angry, at least I did not see. When I left Toledo, Nathan gave me a student Bible which I keep it and carry it wherever and whenever I go. I believe it is God made us meet and be friends. It is really a tragedy for me that he left us so young and so suddenly.

I still remember the moment to meet his roommates in his townhouse. We had BBQ and enjoyed Simpson movie and played games. So nice memory! He loved computer. One day, we went to a computer market, where you can buy some used hardware parts. He bought an old CPU (maybe 8088) for one dollar. He said, "It is a real antique!" He was a good programmer and had his own website. Nice job!

He helped me a lot. I still remember the moment he taught me driving. He was a good teacher. And after I had an accident, he tried to make me comfortable. He told me one of his roommates had average two accidents per year, so it was nothing to me. The most important is my life. When he heard the victim accused me, the first thing he said was, "I am worried about you. Because you are a foreigner, someone might use it against you." What a man! Why God took his life so early! Now I have no chance to see him in this world!

It is really bad when I heard he got cancer. At beginning, he told me it was just allergy. I knew he suffered a lot. Many times, when I called him, I was told he was in hospital. I prayed for him. But ... one time, he told me when God made so much pain to him. He said "I do good and obey God, but why?" The only thing I could tell him at that moment was, "God is fair and believe." When I heard from his father that Nathan said, "Don't be mad with God" before he left, I believe he understood at the moment.

May God bless you!

  -- Ron

Nathan's love for Jesus and his love for people have changed so many lives. His strong convictions have been a challenge to us all. My first memory of Nathan was during our high school years. We attended the "Bible Study Club," at our public high school. He caught me skipping one study and confronted me. It was impressive that a junior cared about a freshman. From that day on, my respect for him grew and he became a good friend. His love for the Lord and sharing the gospel was very evident as he interacted with our friends in high school. He went on various missions trips throughout high school and college. It was so fun to hear stories when he came back home about how the Lord had worked in his life through those trips. He went away to college and we saw each other about once or twice a year. Finally, while he was in graduate school my prayer was answered and we began dating. The last five years were especially a blessing. I learned so from Nathan spiritually and academically. Some of the most enjoyable days were spent watching Nathan and his friends quoting their favorite lines from movies. They provided great entertainment. It was also fun to watch Nathan work with the children at his church in Toledo. The children called him "Mr. Nathan."

The lesson that sticks out the most from Nathan's last few months here on earth was that as believers we should not be afraid to face death. He repeatedly told me he was not afraid to die. The peace that I saw overflow through him those last few months was amazing. We grew to become close friends. He endured so much pain and fought harder than I've ever seen a person fight. He would refrain from taking his pain medication for as long as he could while I visited so that we could talk. He put others before himself. He fought the good fight and finished the race strong with his eyes on Jesus. During the last few hours while we were holding hands, he let go and reached upward as if he was taking hold of a hand, instantly it became obvious that he was entering the presence of the Lord. As he entered the presence of the Lord, he heard "Well done."


Thursday, February 1, 2007

I had just thought of Nathan again the other day or actually the last few days, as I have had a hard drive crash as of late and had to get a replacement. It's not in the replacement that is significant, but Nathan used to always be excited to get something that had broken so as to have the opportunity to take it apart. So when the dead hard drive came out, I was thinking of Nathan and how he would have been happy to have it to disasemble into small pieces.


Wednesday, March 14, 2007

I hope my son is able to have a childhood friend like I did in Nathan. I remember playing so imaginatively with him, but when trying to play the same way with other friends, they just never understood what to do.

Most of our play revolved around Nathan & Michael's massive Lego collection. I clearly remember the sound of digging through those Legos to find that "one piece". In fact there was a rule in the Buzdor house that we weren't allowed to build anything until after 8am, because the sound of three boys digging through plastic blocks was always in opposition of parents trying to sleep. Finally, the Lego space ships that we did construct were usually so massive and/or fragile that it usually took more than one of us to "fly" them around.

Aside from Legos, there are plenty of great memories that included adventures with Nathan's stuffed Possum (that also spun off into him writting comic strips about his Possum), camp outs with our church boys group, watching Saturday morning cartoons together, and spending hours and hours at the apartment complex pool. Nathan was always a loyal, kind, gentle hearted friend.

When I was eight years old, my father died of cancer. That day, I was with my friend Nathan. He rode with me to meet my mom at our house. Nathan and I were very close friends through childhood, and the Buzdor family was kind enough to have me stay at their house for those final days while my mother stayed at the hospital.

A few years ago, Nathan and I had the chance to see each other and have dinner together. I remember being a little worried that we would be too different now. That we wouldn't have much to talk about because time had passed since we used to be so close.

But Nathan had character that stayed with him through out his life. He had such a gentle heart. He was so full of genuine love for other people. Talking with him was as if our lives had never separated. My wife and I remarked afterwards that we had left there being so encouraged by someone whom we had prayed WE would be an encouragement to.

  -- Chad

Saturday, February 10, 2007

Tribute to Nathan From His Mom

As a Mom, you know I could write 28 years of stories on Nathan, but I'll limit myself to just a few that tend to envelop Nathan's character through the years.

One day, when Nathan was about 18 months old, I was working at the table when Nathan walked up with three letter blocks and said, "Mom, A, J and Q." And that's exactly what the blocks were. We always watched Sesame Street, but I didn't know he knew his letters that well. Most kids that age would have put any blocks on the table and said "A,B,C". When I talked with one of my friends who was in education, she said that now we knew why Nathan was so hyper - it was because he was so smart and that we didn't stimulate his brain enough. After that, we developed several things to keep his mind busy. I never thought that would be a life time endeavor.

Nathan constantly, I really mean constantly, asked questions. I could never figure out how he could come up with so many questions about everything. He would absolutely wear me out hour after hour asking questions. Then, to keep my sanity, I came up with a plan. When my brain was exhausted, I would set a timer for 15 minutes and tell Nathan that until the timer dinged that he could not ask me any questions. He didn't know what 15 minutes meant, but he did understand that he was to keep quite until he heard the timer go off. That was usually enough time for my brain to get refreshed. However, that did have to take place several times a day. Then there was Roy ... he thrived on all the questions Nathan had, so he took over that department when he got home from work. I didn't mind at all.

When Nathan was four, he had already understood and asked Jesus to come into his life. Michael was two years old, and Nathan four, when one day I saw Nathan holding Michael by the shoulders and shaking him saying, "You've got to ask Jesus into your heart!" I could hardly keep from laughing but I did stop him from shaking Michael and then talked to him about the fact you couldn't force someone to ask Jesus into their lives. I also explained that Michael was too young to understand that. See ... those "strong convictions" were always a part of Nathan's life.

When Nathan was about 10 years old he came home from school one day and I had been very sick all day. I couldn't get up off the couch and had not eaten all day. He came in and knelt by me and asked if he could make me some tea and toast and patted my head. It was the best tea and toast I had ever had.

Precious memories ... oh how sweet.

Love, Mom

If you were Nathan Buzdor's friend and have some words or a story to share, please send it to "Memorial @ Buzdor . com". If you would like it added to the memorial page, or just would like to share your memories with Nathan's family, let us know of your experiences with Nathan.

Nathan's Testimony

I am going to rent the Space Shuttle next week and fly it into orbit. I think I can manage that. I've never flown anything before, but I'm figuring there's a steering wheel, buttons, or something. After all, I have a driver's license. Now, who wants to go up and fly in the shuttle with me piloting?"

I asked that question in front of several hundred people, and only one person responded (and he wasn't serious). But that was the attitude that I had toward life growing up: that I was qualified to handle it on my own. That I could make decisions and figure everything out for myself. But people who think they have what it takes to make it through life on their own are as deluded as I would be if I thought I could fly a spacecraft without any training.

I grew up in a Christian home, and at a very early age asked Jesus to be my Savior. But with human pride and the approval of men (I was a people-pleasing first-born), I forged through my young life with the notion that I had it all figured out. I was a "good person" and people liked me. But at a camp one summer, I began to realize that I wasn't satisfied with my façade, and if the things I intellectually believed about Christ were indeed as true as I thought they were, then there would have to be consequences of those facts.

At that point I started, though gradually, to dedicate (or re-dedicate, as the terminology goes) my life to Christ. That is, to make him not only my Savior, but my Lord. At the time, I figured that giving up doing things the way I wanted to do them would mean I'd have a relatively unenjoyable life. However, the facts at hand made it clear that I was to obey regardless of that possibility.

It's not as if I really had much to lose. Living a life as a carnal Christian (though I wouldn't have used that term at the time) left me with few real Christian friends and without worldly friends. The people I was trying to impress on both sides of the fence found the part of me that was on the other side intolerable. It was about halfway through high school that I quit caring what people (either set of them) thought of me. I started to care how I was living, and what God thought of me. What a difference the Lordship of Christ made in my life! I started to enjoy school, made friends both from the likes of church and Bible Study, and from among the lost and nominal Christians at school. I have peace about difficult decisions, and in difficult times. Not only do I not have to worry about decisions I make, I don't have to worry about external circumstances because he is Lord of all. Making Christ the Lord of my life has brought all the confusions of living out of chaos and into divine perspective.

I didn't come to Christ for the benefits of being a Christian. I came to Christ because he saved me. But I made him Lord because he's the one who's qualified. I chuckle at the bumper stickers that say "Jesus is my co-pilot," because Jesus is my pilot, and I'm just along for the ride.

  ~Nathan Buzdor

Nathan's Final Hours and Words

Some may wonder why I'm putting the following in writing. The reason is that many people have asked me about this time. I imagine there may be others who didn't want to ask because they felt it would be difficult for me to share this. But, Nathan lived his last few hours as he did his life - thinking of others. So I felt you would blessed to hear this.

On the evening of July, 17th, 2006, I left Nathan's side to come home. He was in Jackson at the Heartland Health Care Center for rehabilitation. He had been making progress everyday in therapy to gain strength to come home. Later that evening, we were called and told that Nathan was having difficulty and was transferred to the local hospital. Roy left to go there. They found Nathan's blood counts to be low, so they gave him two units of blood and was going to admit him there. Roy asked if Nathan could be transferred back to Lansing where he would have his regular doctors and be close to family and friends. They added a third unit of blood and sent him by ambulance to Ingham Regional Medical Center in Lansing. When he arrived, he said he felt like he was home. Roy came home to sleep and I took his place by Nathan's side.

After hours in ER, the doctors decided to admit him to intensive care. They told us that they didn't feel he was that bad, but that they wanted to keep a close eye on him. His blood counts had improved. Amy was able to join us by this time. In intensive care, they ask you to leave from 7:00 to 9:00 pm so they can make rounds. Roy and I left Nathan and Amy so they could have some time together before 7:00, and told Nathan we would be back after 9:00. He said for us to just go home and get some rest and see him in the morning. Amy told us later, that she had offered to come back after 9:00 too and his response was that he was looking forward to some time alone with the Lord in this quite and dark room. For a couple of months until now, the hospital and rehab place was all noisy and lights on all the time. As we left, we talked with his doctor who said that Nathan was his hero and that he felt Nathan had lived more in his 28 years of life than most people do in their longer life times.

At midnight, the hospital called to tell us that they had started a medication to help with raising his blood pressure as it had become too low. They told us we didn't need to come in, but that they just wanted to let us know about the new treatment. At 1:00 am on the 19th, they called us and told us they were having more problems controlling Nathan's blood pressure and that he had made changes in his wishes for his care and that he would like us to come in. Amy and her father, Tom, met us there.

When we entered Nathan's room he told us that he was bleeding internally and that the doctors were going to start to look to find out where he was bleeding from. He said he had told them not to because what were they going to do when they found the problem. He had decided to become a "no code." Up until this time, Nathan wanted everything done such as resuscitation, feeding tube, etc. Then the doctor came in and told Nathan that they had some blood typed for him. He told them he did not want the blood and to give it to someone else who needed it. (So like Nathan - to think of others.) Then the doctor told him they were giving him medication for his blood pressure and did he want them to continue. He said he did not. The doctor then asked Nathan what would he like them to do for him. He asked for more pain medication and they added that to his IV. Then the four of us were left alone with Nathan. The first thing he said to us at this time was, "Don't be mad at God." Next, he said, "I want you to grieve and to morn because that is healthy to do. Then, I want you to go on with your lives. You have done everything you could for me and you owe me nothing more." Then he turn to Amy and said, "I'm sorry that I could not fulfill my promise to you." Needless to say, at this point we all cried. Then he went on to ask us to all take care of each other. We all told him that we would and then I said that Amy was stuck with us, that she was our daughter and always would be. A few more things were said that I really can't remember now. He started to sleep more and more but he would squeeze Amy's and my hand off and on as we held his through those last hours. Even in Nathan's last hours on earth, his thoughts were towards others and not himself. At 5:00 am he went to be with his Savior and Lord. He is now healthy, happy and whole.

With much love to Nathan who loved and served the Lord and others.

His Mom, Lois

Nathan's Obituary

Nathan David Buzdor, age 28, went to be with his Savior and Lord on July 19th, 2006 after battling cancer for over three years. He was born on September 11, 1977 in Lafayette, Indiana.

Nathan graduated from Sexton High School in Lansing. He attended Toledo University for his Bachelor of Education in Mathematics and Computer Science and Master of Arts degree in Mathematics. He taught at the University of Toledo while obtaining his Master's degree and then briefly at Lansing Community College.

Nathan loved people and learning. He studied in Asia and served on the Mercy Ship for one summer. Nathan served in the children's ministry of his church, and in campus ministry while in college.

Nathan is survived by his father, Roy; his mother, Lois; his brother, Michael; and his fiancée, Amy Kenney.

A memorial was held at South Church, 5250 Cornerstone Drive, Lansing, Michigan, at 10:00 am on August 12, 2006. In lieu of flowers, the family is asking that donations be made to:
        Campus Crusade for Christ
            (100 Lake Hart Dr., Orlando, FL 32832),
        Breslin Cancer Center
            (401 W. Greenlawn, Lansing, MI 48910 : Attn: Mauren),
                - or -
        Volunteer Mercy Pilots
            (Capital Area Airport 3121 Circle Dr., Lansing, MI 48917).